4-9

Trial.

Trial was trial, with a twist. Surprisingly the judge was in show off mode, due to out of country judges and visitors joining us for procedures.

I thought this was going to be the final trial, thought I might be going to jail, getting put on probation, something, but turns out again what I think is not what always happens.

So there will be yet another trial next month. I will have time to talk with a public defender about my plea, again, and the charges, again. Cant wait. (blows own head off)

So my ex read the letters I dropped off at her place. And believe it or not, she replied! She send me an email in response to what I wrote to her. Basically explaining my apologies, how I knew I was wrong, and how I knew I missed her and wanted to come home. Her response was.. Nope.

Nope? Yep. Nope. Simple and plain. We went back and forth for a few emails overnight up until the morning, but the response and reply was pretty much the same. Let me back home. Nope. Ive righted my wrongs etc etc etc. Still Nope.

I need to figure out how I am going to get somethings from her place. Such as trimmers chargers my PHONE you know. I need a police escort but I have no phone to contact them with right now. Blah

Just typing this up I can feel her haunting me. Squeezing my throat. Making me nauseous. Causing everyone around me in the library to lose air. Everywhere I go. You know, before all this happened, I used to wonder what was wrong. Now I definitely know. Something is wrong with her entire family. I did everything I could. Baby sat. Did home repairs. Forfeited jobs. Even put my own family on the back burner for years! I really cared for her. I even started seeing past the gifts she was quick to give. I even saw past the characters and evil that different people would force her to become. I still accepted it. But who's fault is that? Haha

Well anyway. I've been through even worse breakups than this. And I normally keep up with the ones who didnt work out. At the end of the day, life goes on no matter the situation right? Right. But this one is different. This one left me out on my ass with nothing. This one used the trust that my family instilled in her to tell them I had become someone Im not. This one is watching me fall at my hardest and laughing. I dont know if I can be cool with somebody like that later on down the line. How can I trust or be cool with somebody like that?

Had a bad episode at the shelter. The dorm coordinator discharged  me from their passages program for missing an interview with one of the program leaders. I explained to him that I had a job interview late that morning, and I thought thats what he meant when he inquired. Long story short my bed is gone and Im back to lugging these overpacked bags everywhere I go. Good news is, an old high school associate I ran into might have a room for me until I can get on my feet, get a car clothes etc. That would definitely work. Im not picky I just need a place to groom eat and sleep. 

Work just emailed me. Im waiting on them to finalize my application. The last part has been sent. Whew!

I might have to donate plasma for bus pass money since there is no way I am walking to South Park Mall. Just hiking it there takes the same amount of time as a work shift. (I Googled it).

Welp. Youtube a little more then figure out this plasma process all over again. Its been a few years.

Till then. Eat only what you are. Dont let what you eat become you

PEEEEEEACE