1-6

Watched the Video Music Awards last night. Made a vein in my right eye go kind of haywire, but thats not what caught me off guard. I now have an extreme interest in one of the music industry’s biggest pop stars, Miley Cyrus. Why? I don’t know. Oh I know why. When you see her on Instagram or wherever else she is, she looks like this cute, frilly school kid who needs attention from loving puffy animals and long loving hugs. So thats what I expected when she hosted the VMAs last night. Dude… It was like a completely different person came out of that girls mouth when she started talking! Not only did the person she concealed sounded completely different; She light weight sounded Black! So much soul from a frilly little white girl. And Im not racist nor do I believe in race all like that, but dude that blew my wig back. I watched the rest of the two hour program- just to hear that girls voice. It was like she was a full grown woman packaged inside of a tiny weeny little girl, boasting authentic woman power that honestly I haven’t seen or heard any woman use (besides my mother of course) in a LONG time. It was like.. some ancient person had taken over Miley’s body and used every inch of it to speak sing dance and perform. Im still kind of peaked as I type this out. I had never been into her, ever, even when she first came out. I had a song or two due to women being around and wanting to hear her music, probably Youtubed her a few times but nope. Not an album, video or song had graced my iPod ever. She has a free album out now called “Miley and her dead pets” or something to that effect. Perhaps next time I go to the library Ill check it out (for whatever reason).

Anywho, its been brought to my attention that my girlfriend is no longer into the relationship we have. So, as soon as I find work, I shall save, and I shall be out. Thankful yes because I have a roof, but we may have to discuss a “Roomate” situation. I don’t know how much more mental, spiritual abuse I can take without saying something about it outright. Its the things she does; Walks away in mid conversation, brushes off the things I tell her bother me, no consideration for me whatsoever, etc. Its already obvious she doesn’t really think outside the box, but I could have helped her with that in the future. Its that her heart, deep DEEP down, is in the right place and just needs to be showed some love to flourish. But its frozen solid. No remorse for her disrespectful actions, its just a whole heap of craziness. But I won’t make this whole blog about that. In short; I hope to last here until I can find a job and save money to move out. Wanted a car, but that will have to be put on the back burner, as this folks is an emergency. 

So Im having conversations with my good ol mama and every time Im down, she’s there to pick me up. This is what I thought friends did. Heck, this is what I thought girlfriends did. But she does it and I love her for it. She doesn’t have to spend time talking to a saddy dud trying to pull himself out of a hole. But she does because its love. Love. I can’t do enough to show my appreciation to such an amazing, funny, intelligent woman. But maybe call her more. (Dag!) Love my mother, man. Don’t know how I’d be feeling without her there to talk to. 

I think I put too much butter on those sandwiches. Wheat bread, Kraft american and steak I cut up into small pieces for lunch. Pretty much soaked them so Im slightly dizzy. Im changing my diet, working out and getting the hell out of this dark damp mind state I’ve been in. Im not blaming anything either. Not the girl Im with, not this neighborhood, not the government, nothing. Im in the body I walk, talk and eat with so Im my own responsibility. As hard as its going to be (boy will it be hard. I been brainwashed on chicken and kool aid something terrible), it can be done. I have friends who are JUST LIKE me who have posted before and after pictures of their results after just a years work. The difference is uncanny. So lets get ready to die lol. Bust the fat! Bust it off with FORCE. Cant believe I let myself get like this.. No regrets though. It was fun eating dinner for two, eating whole packs of cookies and carrying on, but the future is fast approaching, and thirty is coming. I don’t want my body to get used to being treated like this!! Also; I’d like to be able to run and jump, perhaps ride a skateboard or two at the age of 40! So yeah.. Its coming.. my mental has to grow with me.. Come on mental.. get your lazy but up.

Been feeling real sore about my Dad lately. I know thats where those sore feelings and miserable spells are coming from. Besides living with a girl who Im pretty much over. Anyways, the reason I am not going to call is because, I ALWAYS call. Everytime we get into something, its me, Gee who is calling him throwing up the white flag. His big head needs to call me this time. Im a person who deserves an apology, at least a phone call to discuss and get over the situation. And I can promise you after what he said to me, he won’t get a call from me. He’s the one living the life he built for himself folks; a home, a car and all the food music movies and whatever else you can imagine he has it or can get and get it quickly. So its no disrespect, we just live two different lives and see things two different ways although we are very much alike. And I can take his side of the story- the problem comes when its time for him to take my side. And he cannot. He refuses. And his champion excuse is this, “You’re my son, not the other way around”. In other words, “I don’t have to do anything, but you have to do everything”. So I, being twenty nine years of age can be played, disrespected and talked to any old kind of way because.. You’re my dad? Okay old man.. only in your world. Sad to because I love him and will do ANYTHING for him to return all of the years he helped take care of me when I was young, bought me clothes christmas gifts food you name it. But its like we can’t meet on a balanced level because if he isn’t Lording over me he doesn’t want anything to do with me. And I for one.. well I feel like thats fucked up. So here we are thinking of each other just about everyday.. wondering what each other are doing missing each others company when all he has to do is be a man and pick up the phone to talk to his son. Maybe his head will deflate soon and he will realize how silly he is for holding a grudge against his ONLY son, lol. Cant say only child anymore. Oh and my sister.. I need her presence.. it brings such a reality.. such a purity to me.. can’t explain it. But anyhow.. Yeah thats how that goes.. So now Im sitting wondering what I should do. Get my Scorpion back up to speed, work some of the fat off of this belly of mines, skate, listen to music or play some PSO.

Either way, view the expiration dates on drinks before gulping them. You may be surprised. 

PEACE