4-1

4-1

The art of the application. How is one looked at? How is one compared to the rest of the hundreds or thousands that are raring for a chance to be employed? I think about such things because Ive been filling these things out.. relentlessly.. I feel like my efforts disappear into a black hole because either a) I get no feedback or b) when I do decide to get up off my lazy keister to go check up on em they always give me that FAMOUS line “We’ll call”. So Im kinda digging into the whole process because not only am I curious as to why I am not employed, but Im also wondering how various hiring staff(s) decide on who to call. You know. What pops off of an application that says “Call me!” and what on the app makes someone say “Welp they won’t get a phone call”. I mean besides the obvious typo or disagreeing to a drug test. Speaking of that

Marijuana is not a dangerous drug. I don’t believe it can hinder someone from competing ones work. I don’t think it should be on the list of drugs to tested for. Is it my favorite? Well its the only “Drug” ill do. Besides the blue moon pain pill. And Im skeptical about that. My think is the plant doesn’t nor has it lead to any deadly or fatal scenes happening at or on the workplace, at least none that I’ve heard of (does Google search. nothing crazy came back) So yeah its safe for me to ask then; whats the problem with weed? Ill be upfront about some of the issues Ive run across. First and foremost is definitely what its wrapped in. The Philly Blunt. The White Owl. The Swisher Sweet. Its as bad as tobacco itself. In fact, if my knowledge serves me correctly all of those products are tobacco. They are the problem in my opinion as far as whats causing lung cancer and other oral/internal diseases. The cure? Use organic rolling papers. Better yet, there are.. I hate to call them machines but objects that some properly vape the bud so that you only get smoke from the tree itself nothing else. Rather expensive Id imagine, but there are options. 

I bring these up because I feel like Im at a stand still. Of course I need work, but as spoiled rotten as this might sound I also need my pot. Its the only thing that takes my mind off of everything. What am I to do here. Lets see I put it down for a month last year around the holidays to drug test for a job. Got lucky cause around the fourth week is when the test came around. Obviously as clean as a whistle. This year about a month ago I put it down for three weeks hoping to run into another gig that would test me in that fourth week of being clean. Nothing came back, so on the fourth week instead of going on strong I caved and bought three grams. I say I caved, because the drama level.. I feel like Im supposed to handle without the needense (yes I make up my own words) of any outside sources. Thats how it used to be.. My critical thinking skill has diminished.. Im much more hotheaded than I normally am (and even when I was hot headed I could joke about it.. not these days) I just lack overall patience (Im like my own psychiatrist lol). Ive been this way for the past few years. Much better these days tho. I fear Ive grown accustomed to the plant. I fear my body is now attached to its benefits. Ive used (Ill admit even abused) it heavily over the past three years. Before then was on and off, and then before that the use was recreational. I mean I don’t scratch my neck and let my lips turn white but I do tend to smell it throughout the city on the buses and over at people houses. Speaking of peoples houses

I don’t visit anyone. Actually now that I think of it, I don’t have any friends haha. How sad. 

No seriously. I’ve just sat here and come to that conclusion lol

So that would explain it. I don’t spend anytime with anyone. But why don’t I? Im too embarrassed to be around anyone who is employed. You know how it is. They get to talking about how much they spent at the bar, how many of their co-workers annoy them etc etc and you know.. I just can’t relate with that.. Bad enough Im just starting to rekindle my care for small talk (seeing as how vital it is in being successful at anything) but.. I don’t know… just too weird you know. Yeah I do it all alone these days.. I talk to myself.. out loud.. I game alone.. Fighting games too so imagine my irritation with a.i. issues.. I listen to music by myself.. And yep.. when I do smoke its usually me myself and I. But who do I hang with? And what happened to the great friends I once had? Hmm. They either moved, changed or God knows what. So there it is. But thats no excuse.. I have family.. Mom and Dad as still living praise God.. (two Gods in one blog. what controversy!) Cousins scattered all over this country.. not to mention a one or two down to earth people right here in town that for some odd reason its impossible for me to reach out to them. And they say whenever they try to reach out to me the result is the same. And anyways my friends have lives. Why would they want to be bothered with broke, lonely old me? 

So yeah at least we figured one thing out tonite. Perhaps Ill swing over to someones place I haven’t been to in a good while tomorrow. More later. Gonna make some chinese, and get restart (yes, I said restart) Orange on Netflix.

Always ask your roommates if they have colds before you put your mouth on a universal water bottle. 

PALM

3-9

You know, its been quite some time since Ive blogged. I don’t even know what number blog this is. Its my fault though. Instead of blogging the good with the bad, I only blogged when something extremely good or horrifically awful happens. And here lately, its been a giant sized blender of both. 

Firstly, Ive made the decision to move from my old street to a place in a different city (slightly different) with two old friends of mine. Mind you, there’s still some kind of “employment repellent” all over me everywhere I go.. I’ve not only applied online but Ive taken the initiative and have started walking into these businesses that I’ve applied to.. with absolutely no prevail. Im to the point now I want to walk into a place with a gun and make them hire me.. haha.. no really.. 

Anyways moving in with this female and male is the worst and best thing Ive done in a while.. I though it was bad where I was.. Thats physically messed up.. But this.. this my friends is different totally..  This is spiritual warfare.. I have a book called exactly that which I should get back to reading. Anyways though its crazy because no one speaks.. everythings hidden in a shadow or in the background.. especially with the male.. nothing spoken for ever.. things are done it seems behind my back instead of offered you know? This is dangerous because I know the entire world doesn’t operate like this and the longer I stay here the longer I accept such confusing behavior. 

Its like God has me trapped. And don’t say “What God?” because Im tired of hearing it. What lessons am I suppose to learn? I know I have a patience problem.. but its only because it seems like everyone has gotten used to playing stupid which furiates to me to no end.. only because I know the reason behind them playing dumb! 

That went completely sideways. Bluntly put though thats pretty much how it is. My roommates play an idiot role and seem to get a kick out of it. All I can do is pray that a decent playing gig is on the rise so that I can leave them to it. I don’t hate them.. matter a fact I love them.. but I can’t condone in blowing life and acting content with it when I know at the end of the day I’ll do nothing but be disappointed. Pray pray pray. Speaking on blunt.. I had left bud for exactly four weeks but labor day came (always a but) and well I got drunk, sipped out and (you guessed it) smoked out. I bought a few grams from two different dealers. Im starting to scare myself because I need a specific kind of weed.. a lighter bud that I can smoke for scaring away dark, miserable forces.. Some of the bud I use does that.. But others I come across invite those forces in.. and fighting them can be energy consuming and exhausting. But I do feel stronger after the battle! 

Ill admit it Ill admit it. Lifes boring. Its only exciting parts are when Im out on the town. Hustling about the city. Possibly meeting new people. Wondering what they think about life. Thinking about the people I love brings a good vibe too. Good times good conversations about.. everything. I like fashion too. I like dressing how I feel. One day its a pair of Wranglers, some OSIRIS and a Famous tee.. Others its a baggy pair of corduroys and a button up shirt with some Vans.. My collection always needs updating though.. Im always feeling some new different way! Video games are alright these days.. but are no where near worth what they used to be in my opinion.. just a buncha high definition graphics and dlc.. Gaming.. used to be a sacred art man lol what happened. Music has made a come up.. at least in the Hip Hop/Rap category. Snoop dropped a album called COOLAID.. knocking heads completely off.. not to mention Snoop came to Ohio for a killer ass concert.. chained up and bright as hell my stoned ass laughed cried fell in mud.. I mean what else? Wiz was ill too.

Things just seem stand stilliish.. Another thing.. all the advice and wise words Ive given for everyone.. they capitalize and get jobs and live better lives happily ever after.. ok wheres mine? Lol Hate to sound selfish or in a hurry.. But wheres my nice paying job? Where’s my chance to ignore people? To act like they don’t exist? I want to treat certain people like golden dipped diamonds while treating others like turds. I want to flaunt big plans that others can and will never be apart of. I want to have jolly laughs while they’re in the back feeling left out.. when do I get to do all that? Yeah Im impatient I wanna know lol 

Ahhhh I know that shits high school. I know lifes way more that getting back at people who’ve treated you lowly. That happens on its own once things pick up. Im more interested in getting other goals accomplished.. like completing this mixtape.. fleshing out more of the Cold Shrine and other projects.. till them time to shop at Wal*Mart. 

—————————————————— ————— —— — —— — —  — —————————***

Ah. That went rather smoothly. Besides the balance mishap but was fixed rather delicately. Now I sit with my bags bunched up under in between my feet typing away. 

Lately its been impossible for me to make sense out of things. I wonder day and and day out why people do what they do, how they can live with with themselves after committing such acts and how is it that God skips them when it comes down to doing and knowing right from wrong. Its like Gods on me 24/7, making me pay for even thinking something bad. Meanwhile I get forgotten about, treated as  leftovers and yet expected to show up bright and cheerful right the next day or later on that day. Insane. I thought respect and love were about more than finances. False. At least in this realm Ive been living in. 

I find something to complain about everywhere. I go. Im a nit picker. Big time. If I walk into a five star hotel or restaurant, and I see a piece of lint on the floor, you can bet Ill scream my face out about it. You’re five stars! Live up to your name. Meanwhile the flock behind me says “Dude, its just a piece of lint” Thats just an example of how I feel about certain things that go on around me, with everyone. Be complete is my only wish, is my only request. Why is this so hard for people who have (or claim to have) so much success?

Another thing that bugs me big time is how we don’t work problems out anymore, we just walk away form one another, may it be family, friends, people out in the city, co-workers, we just do what I like to call “hanging up”. You know? How if you were arguing or disagreeing with someone on the phone instead of trying to crack into the problem you just got fed up, and well, you hung up. Yeah okay, very true. But we tend to do this in person. How does anyone win? Whats sad is I can’t take much nonsense at once, so Ive joined the trend of walking away from people. Hell, avoiding them altogether. Ill talk ma shit about them in a separate realm, hell, even talk shit about them loud as day when I know they’re in the next room because I know they won’t say or do anything about it. Its a sick, twisted fun. But its not my style. Not to mention its too taxing on the emotions if there are any left lol

Man. I just think things could be so much simpler if we listened. If we stopped depending on false emotion and started reaching out. There are sooooo many different kinds of people in the world.. I just find it impossible to justify disrespecting or ignoring someone just because they can’t communicate on what you may feel is a more superior level. If fact, wouldn’t that make you the problem if you won’t show or explain to them how you feel things should be? You the gatekeeper, the key holder, who keeps everyone out, instead of taking the time to see who deserves in. Hmm. We’re all guilty of this though.

Swinging through South Euclid. Its a grey day today. Uber small raindrops. Whole skys silver with ribbons of darkness though out. Citys chumming along. Had a few words with an older fella. Tried to help a foreign woman (I can only assume she was Italian) with directions. Thought about getting some Fire Emblem in but I decided to tippity type this instead. I still wonder.. What do these businesses look for when they hire? Im not a drug dealer. Im not a pimp. Nor am I a criminal. Is it back to school? Damnit we’ve gone through that. Certifications Smertifications. I guess now its time for a degree? Know many who say its a useless sheet of paper. Buuuut Im not them. Whats left? I can’t keep like this forever.. Its like everything is using everything in its power to hold me back from what I want and all I do is continue to fight.. just to stay afloat! Just to survive man. No big time checks, no fancy car to drive, no eight beddy with the guest house nope. Im fighting, blood sweat and tears, just to breathe. All I keep asking myself is where does this all lead? I been saying Im done with everything, but that doesn’t do anything but cause depression. I been saying Im amped and ready for everything, buuuuut that only leads to disappointment. I stick here in the middle for a while I guess. Haven’t tried that.

Welp. Hopping off, making a grand club with sourdough bread, delectable meats and many, may cheeses. I like cheese. A lot. A really lot.

Good day. Remember, keep your budget within your budget 

PEACE

3-8

NBA JAM. Arcade edition. Probably the cheapest Aracde machine Ever. 

Ive beaten the home console versions. The Genesis version, working on Super Nintendo version but At least five dollars was devoted to beating the first team. With no prevail! I have now three losses on my record down at b side and what am I supposed to say about it. Oh well? Bah.

The day was.. The day. Filled out apps, requested managers, they weren't available, dropped off app hoping for call. Guess Ill just show up three times a week like some stalker maniac who misses his ex girlfriend. Speaking of that.

You know I've been on the market without advertisement for quite sometime. No employment kinda means no attention from the opposite gender. Lately, I've been wondering. Why haven't I ever just out goingly went after (bad choice of words) a woman? Daily I see fairly attractive women and yet I do not act upon these impulses. Is it because I am afraid of the results? Am I afraid afraid to be ejected? Bah.

Arcade Games and home console games are complete different. I've never invested in a machine what was designed to take money. Dude I spent at least three dollars on the teenage mutant ninja turtles Alone. Not to mention that five on NBA JAM. Oh yeah, and a pinball machine stole a dollar AND and quarter from me because I pumped it full of silver (thinking I hadn't paid enough to play it) and got played. Bah!

Yep now so I sit super angry at this cheating 2K I lost to the Pelicans earlier and now I'm playing Dragon Age. Getting hit but defeating enemies earning xp. On well. 

Don't worry about how you'll get it. Worry about what you'll do when you get it.

PALM

3-6

Typing on this first generation iPad I have to say is.. Pretty even. Ive been typing on the android. Something about the keys just stick but after switching keyboards I found that Google has one that fits perfectly with Lollipop os. 

Anyways, wow, I havent blogged in like ages. Life has been a series of ups and downs, ins and outs, money has been spent, relationships have been tried and locations have been rearranged. Remember that whole spill about needing employment? Well, it saw an uprising this summer. Too bad it wasn't long term. So the gears are grinding on Indeed, various pizza shops, etc just to make some money while scraping pennies up for some wheels. What a life I tell ya.

Yeah so typing on this after flipping it sideways is just alright. Bob Marley sounds wonderful on very low volume. Sounds still are separate and travel rather well for them to be coming out of a tablet. I'm impressed with something thats six years old. The gripe is compatibility. Many of the App Stores utilities won't work on this iPad because it's os wont update beyond 5.1; which is undoubtedly my absolute favorite of Apple's mobile operating systems. I feel like they nailed it especially as far as design. Everything feels like it should. Apple's new direction is interesting, and I like it, and am interested in seeing where it goes, but nothing after 2011 comes close to how elegantly designed Apple products were and still are. Apple is still a unique brand compared to its competition today don't get me wrong. 

Gaming. Massive amounts of X360, PS4, PSVita, even Android is getting love in the gaming department with MKX, games from Square and just aww man. J Stars Victory VS is not what I thought it would be, but it's a great game. It uses that behind the back perspective. I've never too much been a fan of that  in fighting games. It's fun to tinker around with games like that, Dragonball games mainly but I couldn't take them too seriously. 

Soul Calibur has been on overdose. My Microsoft account apparently had to be restarted, so all of my achievements, badges and gamer points have been lost. Because of that, I am playing Soul Calibur IV and V almost daily. Creating new characters, trying new status ailment combinations and seeing what evil I can come up with. Awaiting VI!!!

Getting back into conceptual thinking. Me myself, I tend to make things that can be understood for myself, rather than making sure everyone else can clearly get whatever messages are from my creations. Or even going back to make sure I "word" everything correctly so that "anyone" can understand. No. I'm not doing that lol

I bring that up because, again, as of late conceptual thinking has been a main core of focus. What I mean by this is my own views can be divided by many different factors, the factor of what you see, the factor of what I see or the factor of what we both see. Then there's the factor of what everyone sees. Then, there's the factor of what God sees, what the universe sees, what beings in space may see if they're there. I bring this up to ask, which factor do we function with. If any at all. Hm..

Well. Ive been coming up with recipes but have been too lazy to actually make any of them. Korean Fried Chicken? Oh I don't know. Ill look something interesting up

Well folks, you know the drill. Always check the exp date on dairy products.

PEACE

3-7

Nothing super special today. Besides updating my resume in some major ways. And applying to a few spots on Indeed. Basic cleaner positions pretty much. Anything paying nine to ten dollars an hour and is easily accessible. Nothing too fancy right?

Haven't been doing a lot of reading, but I have been on 2K lately. Both my league and season modes. Getting better grades after every game just wish I had more control over the animations. Ive also booted up a file in Pokemon Emerald for the sake of so much talk about it the past month or so. I lost count and knowledge of it after its first generation of monsters. Not to mention YuGiOh had gotten huge on the scene and kinda made Pokemon look last season. I have a pikachu, ratatta, spearow, metapod, a weedle I'd like to evolve into a beedrill, a charmeleon I grinded pretty good and a mankey.

Did some small drivers license studying and barely scraped by. 75%. Starting practice test three today. Well see how I fair. It's mainly endorsement questions that get me boggled up you know. Eh I'll get it. Patience is needed! Went and saw suicide squad. It was better than I thought it would be I can definitely say that. Nice special effects at the end interesting use of abilities.. And let's not forget about Harley Quinn. 

I have a big, fat juicy starting problem. Well, the actress Margot Robbie is already gorgeous, sure. But the character.. So off beat but relevant.. Quirky but stern.. The pigtails help but man just that carefree carny kind of attitude I think a lot of women should look up to lol. She uses every second of her day for excitement and fun and doesn't think twice about it. And to see it all on film.. In a movie with about four to five other hero badasses?Oh and lets not forget the Joker. Yeah. Recipe for instant decent movie. 

Yep so I'm looking at a bit more meditation, some lunch, a small workout (don't wanna be sore got stuff to do) a dash of music and probably a game of basketball and Im out. 

Don't ever get too comfortable. Remember the way it felt before. 

PEACE 

3-5

I can honestly say I started this blog purely out of boredom. Which.. can be a bad thing. Some of the best things have spawned from boredom. Actually, “boredom” is just just our bodies telling us its time for an action switch.  Or is it our brains that tell us this? I don’t know. 

I haven’t blogged in quite a while. Lately, has been a crazy roller coaster of a ride. Odd jobs here and there. Still writing flows. And yes, most definitely still gaming. 

But lately, I’ve spawned a new interest. I don’t even know if its new. Ill try and describe this the best I can. There is an undiscovered dimension that exist around words thoughts and emotions. Actually words thoughts and feelings only show proof of its existence. This, “dimension” doesn’t really exist around anything. The reason I am so interested in this “new” thing is because.. Everything has become so mundane. Playing games, reading books and the occasional night out on the town is all a guy like me could wish for, but those activities do begin to show age after about the eightieth time. I was taking part in things like.. Going to a club, witnessing myself drink dance and talk, shout.. have conversations with associates and friends but there was a missing.. element. A missing spark that made all of this feel worth it. Even when I go back and view these memories I always tend to say to myself “Man that was a hell of a time, but it could have been better”. Its like preparing a recipe and once its finished you remembered that you forgot to add a key ingredient.. Doesn’t ruin the meal or make your dish completely useless, but adding the missing part would have turned your dish into a perfect dish. 

That made me hungry. Anyways, reason in my bringing this up is that Im learning how this dimension works with everything. Though you can have a good time without it, but its probably best you make room for it to expand before believing you completely understand this dimension or space. People get rushy, you get impatient, etc. 

Besides that, gaming and working various odd jobs while attending interviews nothing much is really abound. Looking forward to driving this summer, doing a lot more bike riding and skateboarding. Blade Vibtantra timeline being reviewed torrents have been running and dead zone problem in dolphin has been annihilated thanks to controller configuration within the settings. Another day

Well alright. Only Netflix when its time to relax.

PEACE

3-3

Work is, well work. I think management will open soon.. I’m being trained to do just about everything in the store. Only things left to do are training modules and cashier. Other than that, clocking cheese. 

Gaming is.. not as fluid as usual but still great. I’ve been into these X-Men episodes for the last few days. “Watch, as I bring the purity of oblivion to your world”. Apocalypse. Demon’s Souls have seen upgrades as far as physical defense and attack as well as luck and weapon buffing. Using stones found out on the field to update my Bastard Sword and Axe up enemies dropped much quicker. Tekken definite endings being unlocked still a big bunch more to go. Mario Maker is insane Im up to about World 7 in that. PSP hasn’t been booted up in days. Vita collecting dust although Soul Sacrifice aches to be loaded. Started Halo 3 weeks ago. Gaming on the Kit Kat has halted thanks to low memory issues forcing me to delete apps and files. 

Lately its just been looking at vehicles, checking out wardrobe prices and downloading .eboots and .isos. Mainly DC roms and GC roms. Need to make some space though kinda running low. The terabyte is getting near its full. Also need to some how install a bigger hd on this computer. .isos take up some major space!

I need some new music. I downloaded a bunch of random artist but I haven’t really got into any of the albums. I still bump the favorites but I think its time for some new, fresh never before heard sound waves. I still make rap/hip hop but I mean like some kind of.. I dont know just something never heard. Casablancas needs to come back out. Or the whole band one or the other. 

Hmm.. what else.. definitely more reads Ive been posting way more on the book lately don’t know what that means umm thinking I want to get some new shoes and new coat.. and yeah. All that stuff. 

Welp I guess Ill go pass out. Good nights sleep means good right peep.

PEACE

3-2

So I’ve been at Dollar General for a few weeks now. I’ve got to say, somethings are better than expected while others are worse. But, its a job. Something I’ve been struggling to get, and I got it so step one complete. UFO, car and emergency items are up next. 

The mixtapes… Im coming off crazy. Im blacking on tracks, going back listening to them and hearing myself regress. Guns, biotches and weed.. anger mostly.. Ugh no not another one of these guys. Thats all I can think about.. Giving hip hop what it needs.. not more of the same thing.. anyways I just dabbing around right now trying to bring the fun back instead of being so serious.

Gaming, theres more Tekken.. NBA JAM on PS3 but the star of the show has been Super Mario Maker. Upon hearing the concept I thought, “Another way for Nintendo to rake in the dough”. But after owning, playing and exploring for a while I must say I’ve logged in many of hour building levels, playing with different enemy placements and stacking platforms high into the sky. So yeah; its safe to say that my opinion has changed. Im on my fourth world I believe, four levels per world so.. yeah.. thats saying something. Looking forward to Super Smash Brothers, Mario Kart and Hyrule Warriors but.. SMM is definitely keeping me comfortable until I can get those titles.

Friends.. Doing bad with keeping in touch with all of them.. Jerhon I haven’t heard from in quite a while and haven’t called.. Hung with Alex for a basically a whole day we had a great time but there is something missing from me and it bugs the hell out of me.. I don’t understand why or what it is but I get violently angry when ever this feeling strikes.. I think on this all the time.. on certain occasions tho it slaps me in the face or strangles me.. And I can’t escape its grip.. Chiefing a lot more good stuff too Ive been noticing has made a difference in how I perceive things as well.. detecting real and fake.. how much people mean what they say.. vibrations and pain.. its crazy. But yeah. Need to reconnect with those crazy pals of mine.

Family.. spoke to ma.. dad still hasn’t reached and many many other family I still must reach out to and touch but my cousin Erik got to me on Facebook, sent me his number and has texted me since then so Im happy about that. Still many barricades that must be broken tho on that.

I beat myself up a lot because I feel like I should be in a better place. I like to say that Im a man of standards and beliefs, not someone who will just accept anything form anyone because Im worth the choice of.. well.. choice. I provide those around me with the option of seeing their own choices instead of just going one hard cut route.. There are other ways to go.. Check them out. And that there is my goal. To see more options and routes with more and more people and to be able to listen when they speak to me instead of taking everything at face value. We all fight a battle.. a different battle.. its not meant to fight one another.. but meant to help one another with the battle that they are fighting themselves. What I am going though could possibly be something you’ve already dealt with.. and vice versa. Conversations on finding truth are hard to endure because we fear embarrassment, and we fear what the next person may think or even say about us. We can’t live with being laughed or scoffed at so we build a shield of immunity that dampens our feelings and eventually takes them over.. leaving us dull and able to deal with anything only that one way.. When in all actually there was about a hundred different ways..

I think too hard about stuff like this and it boggles my mind to no end, so I’ll just stop here. Just make sure when you purchase online, copy your tracking number onto something thats non digital.

PEACE

3-1 (fully aware that 2-9 got skipped)

I start Dollar General on Friday. Hip hip, hoofrgginray. Hours pay rate and duties have yet to be discussed. Whats most important is that, I am back amongst the land of the employed. 

Till then I’ll be getting documents, playing NFL Blitz and watching random Family Feud and TV shits. Its so drab. I know how long its going to take to get my patience back with spitting, but I grow tired. Everytime I listen back at my freestyles they sound so average. Man Im pissed about that. No specials, no doubles, just basic average rap music. Peh. Need meditation. Need mind widening. Ahh the beats I spit on seem drab too tho. So slow and monotone.. same tempo.. same trap beats you hear err day on the radio. Ugh. Time to make my own beats and release some fire out here. 

Lately tho its been pretty slow motion. Pal came up from Indy (hey Ali!) and brought a couch as well as a few other furniture pieces that was needed in the house. Hotels throw shit out when they replace their old shit with new shit. I most certainly won’t refuse barely used furniture when the stuff I use looks like two mutants play fuck ball on it daily. Anyways getting the stuff in wasn’t bad. I Wanted the couch for the basement but it wouldn’t fit down through the doorway so it stayed up stairs. Beds shouldn’t be a problem getting up the stairs. Tossing the old mattresses off the back balcony and dragging them up to the tree lawn for trash day. Eh

Yeah so we kicked it got some “Not Your Fathers Root Beer” which tasted like rabbit piss at the time but I took a few home and well.. Fer some odd reason they tasted pretty great. On ice in a glass was even better. We also got some Angry Orchid and some other stuff. I like conversations with Ali because she’s not biased. She listens and will always be as honest as possible, even if it stings. I like that. Rare trait not found anymore. 

I don’t know Ive been really bored. I need to hang with the good friends I have. I avoid them and shit. Its not personal its just.. some kind of lazy fog in my bones making me sleep late and slump around the house eating shit. In sweats. Im bored of many of the games I play on console. Lately its been PSP classics and iso’s like NBA Showtime, GTA Liberty City Stories and Vice City Stories not to mention running jumping and spinning my way through the first Crash Bandicoot. I have many more iso’s to play and load but I need more memory. I had a nice adapter that could switch out micro SD’s but I don’t know where it went. Lost a 32 gig micro SD earlier this year full of saves and games, and just lost a 32 gig flash last month full of music videos and other stuff. *sighs*

Waiting on dinner to finish. Wraps with chicken bacon ranch and all the rest of the works. Watching Family Matters. About to check out this latest Machine Gun Kelly album. 

Welp Im out. Beware of the unknown.

PEACE

2-8

So far there in my experience two different kinds of people in the world. Them and Us.

Experiences in this world are far beyond what we can be ready for if we are not open to the matters that happen within them. I had no idea; I thought I was free to leave this murky place of freedom as soon as I was ready. I was wrong. This is a place of creepy actions that happen in the darkest crevasses of your mind, and never really come to you in reality. A place where you cannot question what you hear feel or see. A place where the nastiest is the greatest and richest, and where the dirtiest is the most living. 

What I find amazing is the functionality of those who are this. They live just as anyone else. They work, shop and pay bills just like any other person would. I mean, if you’re a smart enough and have been around enough people you can tell something’s a little off, but you wouldn’t think anything of it. These are the stories I was warned about as a child. The evilest people my mother used to warn me about, that kept me in line with school and my own life. The best decorations of illusion are draped for distraction purposes. Money is thrown away like empty Chinese food boxes. Its burned like logs at a bon fire. Conversations are short and meaningless. They are split into simple pieces of vocabulary that are compared to the simplest of things. The actions of these people have no repercussion consequence or reasoning behind them. They live as if they are the only ones living, not stopping to see who or what is around them. 

I hadn’t realized that the connection to the human soul had lost so much value to the point where its completely gone. The body is but a husk and crying is the only way to return its feeling. What do you do to cry? Well, they’ll do anything. Anything. Deliberate thoughts of reaching beyond the norm you’d think would help this process for them, unfortunately the messages fall on deaf ears every time. They’ve already moved on the next thing in their minds, so they don’t stop to think about the words spoken. They move with intelligent malice towards everything around them, so what they can’t overtake or destroy usually scurries away.

I was one of them, and didn’t even know it. I was a walking talking black hole. I had forgotten I even had a face. A brain. Even a mind. I was a zombie, consuming everything in the name of boredom. I still today have to remind myself of who I am and what my life is worth. I hadn’t seen myself fall so far away.. I had already fallen before I got here.. And being around others who were (in my opinion) further away from reality than I was had to be a wake up call of a certain sort. Taking care of ones self, connection to God and care for people were all things that had vanished. I worked hard to get this back.. The strong spirit that makes me feel and think again. And am still working on learning the language behind such a beautiful thing. Its hard to describe really.. I can describe it as waking up for the first time.. and realizing a truer potential than one could have ever imagined. Its like a superpower that has to be nurtured and controlled; it can hurt you if you aren’t careful. Most importantly, people are aware of this power of yours. They respect you instantaneously upon arrival without you saying one word. Its a feeling of light, of illumination, of free being. Its amazing. 

I have a new take on life after experiencing that, then coming back here and experiencing this. I was almost close to saying I was crazy and that they were right; there is nothing else left in this world to work for, to strive for that there are no more dreams and that its so much more fun to destroy it all, fuck it all, damage it all and just say to hell with it cause at the end of the day we all die and get dumped into the same casket. That is but a myth. Meaning its not true at all. Dreams are real. They are worth working for. They’re worth the effort because of the feeling of being more than just another dot on the radar. You feel a sense of self worth that changes everything around you. You strike meaning into everything around you. You become what you are instead of what you were thought to be. You grow into a being, instead of being what you look like. I hope these words can somewhat cover this feeling. I also hope Im not scaring my readers away.

There are so many important things to discover, beyond what we think we see what we think we know and what we think we can accomplish. The key (in my opinion) is to stay open to what you normally would reject. Not to say try crack; but understand there is more to life than what we have been subjected to. We get so used to the same routine continuously that we forget about exploring. Adventuring is awesome too, but what I meant by exploring was to, explore the people we are inside. As mentioned our lives are so linear we don’t need do really do anything but follow a code of conduct until we die, which cuts off any chance of learning anything new about yourself or anyone else. And as backwards as it is, when someone tries that exploration with another person, they usually become uncomfortable because they aren’t used to trying anything out of what they’ve been doing for the last billion or so years. Communication is a big, big gateway that is misused abused and downplayed every single day. Words are more than words, they are masses of energy that can be thought about structured and described on hundreds of different levels. Patience with such an art can result in wondrous joys of understanding and growth. While the opposite effect, just as good communication is great, can be as deathly and more destructive than ever expected. So its important to watch closely at how we utilize communication. Is it being used to build up or tear down. 

Ill keep it here for right now. Demon’s Souls is pissin me off, interview at Target went pretty well and an interview at CVS is coming sooner than later. Dinner, some kind of chill show and snoozville it’ll be for me. 

Welp. Tune in next time. Don’t wear only a hoodie when its cold out. The weather will laugh at you.

PEACE

2-7

No matter how old you get there is always a new thing to learn. What new thing? Life is full of little details that many would say are impossible to capture all of them. From nature to readings, to people and their lives alone, the level of comprehension is almost infinite because their are so many ways to see everything. We have chosen, in my opinion only but one or two levels of this comprehension. The double entendre being the most obvious, and the spiritual realm being in second. 

The double entendre is relatable. Its the ease of understanding what someone is trying to say, without actually saying it. I’ve always sort of had an issue with the double entendre because, well Im a straight forward kind of guy. Why beat around the bush? Play with the pickle? I know what I feel when I feel it and how to say it. Where’s the fun in that? Is what a lot of people would say next. Which is true to a certain extent in keeping life interesting, so I’ve studied the art of the double entendre and how its used amongst many different kinds of people. In most cases the double entendre is used in comparison to God or the Devil, good or evil, bad or graceful. These are the most obvious comparisons. These are the balance that create life as we know it so we use these simple comparisons as through ways or passage ways as tools that get others to understand how we feel, what we mean or what we need. But it goes further that just that. Many doubles (I’ll be referring to the double entendre as “doubles”  from here on out) can be matched with other meanings if one is capable of reading into what ones words may represent.  

The spiritual realm is what we feel from one another in another form, its what effects the conversation itself in what you speak of. Much more tricky that the double in my opinion because it involves knowledge of another plane while still being fully focused in the physical. This can also be dangerous. We all carry different spiritual guides, different essences and energies that may or may not be compatible with one or the other. The utmost best method of achieving access into one’s (or your own) spiritual realm, in my opinion, is prayer. What God knows you need, he gives, what he sees in you that you can’t, he reveals, but these things happen when he knows that you are humble and ready to accept what he has for you. God opens up your mind, expands your thoughts so that you can see more than just what you are saying, you now see the effect your words emotions and feelings have on the world itself and not so much just the person or people you are communicating with. This is a big responsibility because just as good can be unveiled onto the world, so can bad, terrible things be unleashed so its important to know your own worth as well as your importance to the world before diving into your own, or even someone else’s spiritual realm. 

Three interviews last week. CVS which went pretty good. Felt like something was a missing, that positive energy flow was absent but I found it midway through the interview. He liked me, but not enough to hire me on the spot. Which is okay. He told me to call him back if he hadn’t called me first. Went downtown and filled out more apps that day, one of them being Carhartt at Crocker Park. The next interview was a morning one at Dollar General with two extremely sexy girls. The first one I had a small conversation with as soon as I opened up the door. She was at the register, telling me basically some of the duties that would have to be done. A customer came, bought some Garcia vegas and left. Thats when the second girl appeared. She walks around me, pushed a shopping cart into the rest of the carts next to me and walked down to a door. She opens it, sits a chair in front of it to stop it from closing and says “Okay George, you can come now”. The interview was fairly short and sweet. Once again though, it felt like I was missing something. I had the positivity flowing, but I just didn’t feel myself coming to life with my answers.. Don’t know. Perhaps I was sleepy. Anyways after a brief pause the nice lady says it looks like I have what it takes for the job but they only are giving a few days on the schedule. Told me to look out for an email and thanked me for my time. Once again, not on the spot but I felt pretty good about it. She smiled practically throughout the entire interview. Went and got some shrimp teriyaki (Im hungry) Downtown and the rest of the day downloading videos and finding out the BJ’s Kohls and other places weren’t hiring at all. The next day, Home Depot interview, which went the most interesting out of the three because, number one, I had brought the two things I’d learnt from the other two stores with me and, two, they had me sit in a chair behind the customer service desk and wait for a friggin half an hour. Did I mind? No. Not really. What else was there to do that day anyway. Besides donate. 

So a lady gives me directions to the back of the store where the office is. I follow them, swimming around store isles trying my best to smirk at other employees. My smile has been shut down for a few years now. I mean I laugh sure, but my natural smile, like when Im talking to someone.. Its stone. Brick. It doesn’t budge. Im working on it. Anyways in the office now Im asked to sit at a table and wait again. Somebody said something about some candy, I chimed in and said something witty, got a laugh out of the few people in there. A lady right across from me in an office asked this other guy to do the interview. Im thinking like, why can’t you do it? So Scott called me into his office, and well it commenced. Questions about Staples, what I did there. Scenario questions about how I’d handle irate or multiple customers, yadda yadda bing boom for the most part he liked me. Said there was a few more mangers that had to over look the paper work. But, and I got this form all three interviewers, its not like these people don’t like me.. its more like they are looking for something from me, like Im missing a piece of something thats completing the puzzle.

Anyhow, doing call backs next week on Thursday, fingers crossed. Right now Im kinda of hungry and kinda sad because I was suppose to call my Grandma and help clean her attic. I better get on that. 

Too much sugar can cause lock jaw.

PEACE

2-6 (Whew! Its been a while there!)

My friend Ali came back! With cookies and all sorts of haunted house plans and picking James up and inviting Victoria to come kick it at the bar. Bloodview was pretty awesome. Live effects, zombies actually come out and get you not to mention swamp hands grabbing at the ankles. Nuts. Then we went to B Side, where folks were pretty cool. I was surprised to see actual arcade cabinets. NBA JAM, NFL BLITZ, incredible. We ordered, I had a few Jamesons and we were all just talking. It got wicked at the end though, I thought Iost Ali’s keys! Ended up they were in my bag. We found them, started up the cars and left.

I absolutely positively must find work. Money is needed. Car gas and many other responsibilities come with that, but its worth the time. Mobility well as facilities further out that are located away from the city will be reachable, also faster computer repair service.

Me as a person who writes these blogs am noticing I myself move very differently from the people who surround me. Its not a bad thing but its noticeable. I can feel myself react to things before they even happen. I can see myself doing things before even making the thought to do them. Im paying attention to the reactions of my actions, and some of them are unexpected. Its cool. Keeps things balanced. Clients on top of clients. Password unlocking, operating system installing and many more computer deeds. The dough is needed. Looking forward to another client next week. Interview tomorrow at Global Tech on Mayfield Rd. Fifteen minutes early, fill out an application and go through with the process. Lets hope its a few questions, are you able to work and you’re hired. After that probably head to the library.

Getting slightly better at 2K, still for the most part I suck. GTAV at seventy three percent still suping up vehicles purchasing property and businesses. Story mode is pretty much complete still got a bonus mission with Trevor, his mother wants a truck load of some kind of pill she’s been addicted to while locked up in the joint. Soul Calibur skills are definitely up just learning more combos with Ivy. Perfect Dark and Perfect Dark Zero have been up lately. Death Matches, Hold The Briefcase and Capture The Briefcase, as well as Campaign. Watching Heroes, and episodes of Power. 

Dropped my android, whole top left of the phone shattered. Screen still looks fine, just the top is cracked so it could be worse. Still looking forward to getting a new phone due to low memory issues. Need a new coat, its getting cold, as well as some slacks and sweaters. I need this job dough to come up I need to buy a car! Seasons changing and the buses aren’t going to cut it this winter lol something must be done

Well alright. I guess I’ll find something to watch and chillax until about ten o’clock tomorrow. 

Don’t do crack. Crack is whack 

PEACE

2-5

Halloween is coming soon, and some spooky things have been abrupt about the common scenes. Bus rides have weird happenings, like naked chicks hopping on the bus then back off people sparking blunts up listening to music on their phones just crazy unexpectances. A sharp one knows when its time to pay more attention and when its relax mode. The days move, and there are decisions within those days that can make (or break) whats to come in the following of my days. I notice, things done are regretted, while other actions of mine are congratulated and praised with unlimited measure. I got more apps in than ever during last week and this week. Night auditor positions, Team Crew for Dunkin and an ongoing app that needs to be finished for CVS. The more applications I put in, the less I complain. Sure each question that burns into my memory makes me want to put a fist through the person who’s wise idea it was to repeat the same questions over and over on every job application for every company, but thats just a reminder of how much work must be done to control the flow of energy than can be converted into actions, or outcomes. 

Those very thoughts and behaviors are why I ask myself what allows me to get so angry at simple task. Probably the tedious repetition, as you create a new log in user name and password for the up tenth time. Staring at the screen wondering when it will say “Application Submitted” as you depressingly tap on, filling in countless boxes of data that should have been saved onto a server ages ago. The sting only proves that this is the factor; this is the boundary of patience thats pushed beyond its measure. A tide of questions start to formulate of your own as you squint on asking yourself, “Are these questions serious right now?” The eagerness to succeed in filling out the app can only be a taste of the position applied for itself.. 

Parties coming up. Duckets being spent duckets coming in. I should slow the material collecting down but some rare stuff is spawning up. Soul Blade, Dead or Alive 5+ for Vita amongst many other lost classics that have been archived only as the best video games experienced. Treacherous UMDs. Once they get dust or gunk in them they have to be taken apart and cleaned carefully. The disc itself is so sensitive one smear and its bound to not load up. Ultimate Alliance was a blast with Ronin Luke Cage Captain Marvel and Ms. Marvel. We destroyed The Mandarin making him unveil a vital step in the villains plans. Speaking of hero stuff

Heroes Reborn premier was pretty good. Noah was Noah which was awesome, but the Haitian got killed after taking exactly two breaths on the show. They better bring him back or NBC might get a letter. The powers were cool some new stuff mostly stuff we’ve seen on the older seasons either revamped or updated. Warping, Fire, Teleporting and other interesting movements. One part of the show, a girl finds a blade that once unsheathed she is transported into a virtual video game where she has to fight many samurai, reaching her father being the apex. All in all the show was kind of all over the place to me, probably because it was two hours long and I was up and down text gaming doing other things. I’ll watch it over once I get it to fully understand the hunt, why Claire died and yadda yadda yap yap

GTAV, Fight Night Round 3 thinking about Demon Souls and Dark Souls, NBA 2K14 was ten bucks at F.Y.E in Tower City, grabbed a shrimp teriyaki meal after helping Grandma with housework. Filled out more easy to submits on Indeed with my hotspot, ate and left out. Seen a high school friend across from square with a couple kids, pointed, dapped and got his number. Said something about New York, I take it he has a battle there. He’s Bobby O, a hip hop artist who takes on MC’s for bragging rights. I need to head out to one of those before the snow hits really. Jetted to the library and filled out a few more applications. The Hyatt, Holiday Inn and many other hotels for Housemen Night Auditor Night Auditor Night Auditor

Chilling listening to Guilty Gear soundtrack. Dropped a new mixtape yesterday, sounds alight, still working on leveling the sounds all to one common frequency. Its great though, good beats, good vibes enjoyable tunes. Ill have to look into equalizing individual waves for better layout. Then maybe the tracks can reverb a bit? I don’t know. What a task

I guess Ill chill and read some motor law book before I pass out. 

Don’t forget to say thank you to those who help.

PEACE