So I’ve been at Dollar General for a few weeks now. I’ve got to say, somethings are better than expected while others are worse. But, its a job. Something I’ve been struggling to get, and I got it so step one complete. UFO, car and emergency items are up next.
The mixtapes… Im coming off crazy. Im blacking on tracks, going back listening to them and hearing myself regress. Guns, biotches and weed.. anger mostly.. Ugh no not another one of these guys. Thats all I can think about.. Giving hip hop what it needs.. not more of the same thing.. anyways I just dabbing around right now trying to bring the fun back instead of being so serious.
Gaming, theres more Tekken.. NBA JAM on PS3 but the star of the show has been Super Mario Maker. Upon hearing the concept I thought, “Another way for Nintendo to rake in the dough”. But after owning, playing and exploring for a while I must say I’ve logged in many of hour building levels, playing with different enemy placements and stacking platforms high into the sky. So yeah; its safe to say that my opinion has changed. Im on my fourth world I believe, four levels per world so.. yeah.. thats saying something. Looking forward to Super Smash Brothers, Mario Kart and Hyrule Warriors but.. SMM is definitely keeping me comfortable until I can get those titles.
Friends.. Doing bad with keeping in touch with all of them.. Jerhon I haven’t heard from in quite a while and haven’t called.. Hung with Alex for a basically a whole day we had a great time but there is something missing from me and it bugs the hell out of me.. I don’t understand why or what it is but I get violently angry when ever this feeling strikes.. I think on this all the time.. on certain occasions tho it slaps me in the face or strangles me.. And I can’t escape its grip.. Chiefing a lot more good stuff too Ive been noticing has made a difference in how I perceive things as well.. detecting real and fake.. how much people mean what they say.. vibrations and pain.. its crazy. But yeah. Need to reconnect with those crazy pals of mine.
Family.. spoke to ma.. dad still hasn’t reached and many many other family I still must reach out to and touch but my cousin Erik got to me on Facebook, sent me his number and has texted me since then so Im happy about that. Still many barricades that must be broken tho on that.
I beat myself up a lot because I feel like I should be in a better place. I like to say that Im a man of standards and beliefs, not someone who will just accept anything form anyone because Im worth the choice of.. well.. choice. I provide those around me with the option of seeing their own choices instead of just going one hard cut route.. There are other ways to go.. Check them out. And that there is my goal. To see more options and routes with more and more people and to be able to listen when they speak to me instead of taking everything at face value. We all fight a battle.. a different battle.. its not meant to fight one another.. but meant to help one another with the battle that they are fighting themselves. What I am going though could possibly be something you’ve already dealt with.. and vice versa. Conversations on finding truth are hard to endure because we fear embarrassment, and we fear what the next person may think or even say about us. We can’t live with being laughed or scoffed at so we build a shield of immunity that dampens our feelings and eventually takes them over.. leaving us dull and able to deal with anything only that one way.. When in all actually there was about a hundred different ways..
I think too hard about stuff like this and it boggles my mind to no end, so I’ll just stop here. Just make sure when you purchase online, copy your tracking number onto something thats non digital.
PEACE
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