So far there in my experience two different kinds of people in the world. Them and Us.
Experiences in this world are far beyond what we can be ready for if we are not open to the matters that happen within them. I had no idea; I thought I was free to leave this murky place of freedom as soon as I was ready. I was wrong. This is a place of creepy actions that happen in the darkest crevasses of your mind, and never really come to you in reality. A place where you cannot question what you hear feel or see. A place where the nastiest is the greatest and richest, and where the dirtiest is the most living.
What I find amazing is the functionality of those who are this. They live just as anyone else. They work, shop and pay bills just like any other person would. I mean, if you’re a smart enough and have been around enough people you can tell something’s a little off, but you wouldn’t think anything of it. These are the stories I was warned about as a child. The evilest people my mother used to warn me about, that kept me in line with school and my own life. The best decorations of illusion are draped for distraction purposes. Money is thrown away like empty Chinese food boxes. Its burned like logs at a bon fire. Conversations are short and meaningless. They are split into simple pieces of vocabulary that are compared to the simplest of things. The actions of these people have no repercussion consequence or reasoning behind them. They live as if they are the only ones living, not stopping to see who or what is around them.
I hadn’t realized that the connection to the human soul had lost so much value to the point where its completely gone. The body is but a husk and crying is the only way to return its feeling. What do you do to cry? Well, they’ll do anything. Anything. Deliberate thoughts of reaching beyond the norm you’d think would help this process for them, unfortunately the messages fall on deaf ears every time. They’ve already moved on the next thing in their minds, so they don’t stop to think about the words spoken. They move with intelligent malice towards everything around them, so what they can’t overtake or destroy usually scurries away.
I was one of them, and didn’t even know it. I was a walking talking black hole. I had forgotten I even had a face. A brain. Even a mind. I was a zombie, consuming everything in the name of boredom. I still today have to remind myself of who I am and what my life is worth. I hadn’t seen myself fall so far away.. I had already fallen before I got here.. And being around others who were (in my opinion) further away from reality than I was had to be a wake up call of a certain sort. Taking care of ones self, connection to God and care for people were all things that had vanished. I worked hard to get this back.. The strong spirit that makes me feel and think again. And am still working on learning the language behind such a beautiful thing. Its hard to describe really.. I can describe it as waking up for the first time.. and realizing a truer potential than one could have ever imagined. Its like a superpower that has to be nurtured and controlled; it can hurt you if you aren’t careful. Most importantly, people are aware of this power of yours. They respect you instantaneously upon arrival without you saying one word. Its a feeling of light, of illumination, of free being. Its amazing.
I have a new take on life after experiencing that, then coming back here and experiencing this. I was almost close to saying I was crazy and that they were right; there is nothing else left in this world to work for, to strive for that there are no more dreams and that its so much more fun to destroy it all, fuck it all, damage it all and just say to hell with it cause at the end of the day we all die and get dumped into the same casket. That is but a myth. Meaning its not true at all. Dreams are real. They are worth working for. They’re worth the effort because of the feeling of being more than just another dot on the radar. You feel a sense of self worth that changes everything around you. You strike meaning into everything around you. You become what you are instead of what you were thought to be. You grow into a being, instead of being what you look like. I hope these words can somewhat cover this feeling. I also hope Im not scaring my readers away.
There are so many important things to discover, beyond what we think we see what we think we know and what we think we can accomplish. The key (in my opinion) is to stay open to what you normally would reject. Not to say try crack; but understand there is more to life than what we have been subjected to. We get so used to the same routine continuously that we forget about exploring. Adventuring is awesome too, but what I meant by exploring was to, explore the people we are inside. As mentioned our lives are so linear we don’t need do really do anything but follow a code of conduct until we die, which cuts off any chance of learning anything new about yourself or anyone else. And as backwards as it is, when someone tries that exploration with another person, they usually become uncomfortable because they aren’t used to trying anything out of what they’ve been doing for the last billion or so years. Communication is a big, big gateway that is misused abused and downplayed every single day. Words are more than words, they are masses of energy that can be thought about structured and described on hundreds of different levels. Patience with such an art can result in wondrous joys of understanding and growth. While the opposite effect, just as good communication is great, can be as deathly and more destructive than ever expected. So its important to watch closely at how we utilize communication. Is it being used to build up or tear down.
Ill keep it here for right now. Demon’s Souls is pissin me off, interview at Target went pretty well and an interview at CVS is coming sooner than later. Dinner, some kind of chill show and snoozville it’ll be for me.
Welp. Tune in next time. Don’t wear only a hoodie when its cold out. The weather will laugh at you.
PEACE
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