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I just don’t have the will. For what? As weird as it sounds, for Work. 

Its a long story about me and work. We’ve had ups and downs.. Ive been played by work and I’ve ran schemes on work. When I say work, I mean like a Job. White Castle, K-Mart, those kind of jobs. But the reason my will to find work (even as I fill in and submit app after app) is personal.

It seems as if work is never about, well, work. Its always about the people and their personal issues. Its always some fake ass person you have to pretend to be chummy with. Its always about dodging questions about your personal life. Its more about the doughnuts and orange juice they brought in that morning. It seems like work is about everything but work. Its about clashing personalities.Who can brag the cleanest. Who can get the girl. Which chicks work pants were the tightest that day. How much small talk can I take before feeling like Im about to blow. Its about making it to break. The discounts… and blah blah blah.

I wish work was about work. Thats what I report to a job to do lol. Just that. Not chit chat, make new friends, I already have friends, I already have a life, don’t need a second one. I don’t need to prove anything to anybody except for me and the person that hired me. My worth at work shouldn’t be based on me knowing the score from last nights game or if I laughed at some co-workers corny jokes, but in my opinion should based on how fast and efficient my work is. How I effect the company Im working for. How well I keep up with the rush of having many extra things to do on top of my usual load. Thats what I report to do.. But because Im not licking any and everybody’s butthole that walks in my direction.. 

Its alright. My own business has been on my mind for years now. I don’t think computer repair will reap as much as I thought it would tho. Maybe I can make it side service. My whole life Im finding out is.. a lot different than I seen it originally. Many things are simple that I thought were complicated. And things that I thought were hard to understand are.. rather simple when looked at with a clean and fairer focus. And looking at me owning my own computer repair shop.. just seems kinda slow.. I see shops on the east and westside and they look empty.. Its not as popular. People would rather call Apple themselves or Dell or go to Best Buy and talk to Geeksquad for whatever reason. Like they won’t charge out the wahzoo. Don’t get me wrong my passion will always to fix tinker and repair technology, especially computers but thinking about my future right now it seems like Im chasing a dream thats simply not reachable right now. Im not getting enough clients every week, one maybe three.. five six on a good week. Its almost like America is saying “Sorry son, but you are destined to sit your ass in a seat and be lectured to death again for another two to four years, or work a part-time job until you die”

Just thoughts tho. Chilling before I go donate listening to Chance The Rapper. We’ll see how I feel through the Winter. Apps for Night Auditor and Crew Team Member have been turned in. Print new flyers again, new cards, again, putting the finishing touches on the website. Client flaked on me yesterday, said her trackpad has been acting weird. Called and said her money was funny. Another client who wants a fresh Windows with Office is suppose to drop the system off at another client of mines house, where I look at his system as well. He says his DVD drive is on the fritz. Im thinking a driver re-install. Another guy asked me about a laptop screen replacement. Someone else needs antivirus, not the free stuff the full gig so Im waiting on that connection when they need it they’ll hit me. 

Well this Chance is ight. I like some of these tracks. Super trippy. Deep breath and off I go.

Don’t watch TV any longer than a few hours. Thats still too long.

PEACE