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Welp, nothing really extraordinary. One of my ex’s had their baby yesterday, so of course I dropped a congrats. Looks like they got a baby boy. I can’t say anything else but, Congratulations and Good Luck! If you’re reading this, I hear parenting is one hell of a ride and I know you have the experience but you can never be too prepared! From Your friend Napalm lol. Oh wait I guess that is extraordinary huh

I don’t see myself having any children anytime soon. My rebel self if saying “Nigga, why would you bring more life into a melting shithole such as this? Do you want him to go through all the same shit you did? You still are?” I know there were good times as well as bad, but is it worth it? Was it worth it? Thats another topic. Im trying not to leave any big holes in these blogs so Ill say, yes it was worth it to ME, but the question is do it think its worth it enough to bring another life into this world. But then another side of me says “Awww! I want a son! Or a daughter! I want to teach them, learn from them, have my own little ball of spity slobby eye gleaming joy to hold and kiss and lay down take naps with”. But if there is one thing I’ve learned from everybody, is that its best that your pockets are up before indulging too much into that idea.

Other than that, just hanging, waiting on my ride to the plasma center. Waking up from a weird as dream I had an itch to spit some freestyle, and so I did while in the bathroom. Its crazy because Im remembering the real purpose of freestyle. I was so wrapped up in putting bars together that I forgot the sole core is finding truth, within anything, everything and yourself. Its to tell stories, to explain other places to people who have never been and will probably never go. Once you start unlocking and digging deeper into your mind you even surprise yourself with words themes memories and thoughts you didn’t even know you had. Freestyle to me is about keeping up with yourself, setting yourself on a path just to free yourself from it, then return to it. Its about exploring to see where your mind will take you. I can’t say it enough, but I get disappointed at how much filler and junk is up there at times. But then I feel blessed and bright just for being able to point that out to myself. Its not to be conceited or sound better than whoever, but Ive learned its harder than you think to see yourself, to watch and control your own actions, which is why Im EXTRA careful these days. Im not eighteen any more, and that means consequences follow up behind everything I do.

Chillin, listing to Prince. Thinking on finishing this song I started, thinking about skating and about this devil energy that keeps trying to steal my voice, heart, spirit soul and self worth away from me. Its evil. It slows you down to dumb, it doesn’t want you to be too smart because it knows thats the way up to God. The smarter you are, the more weapons you have against the devil. So he pulls you back by throwing you off, doing things you didn’t expect, finding things he knows you wont be ready for, stinging you, burning up your brain making it feel like its on fire. Stealing your spiriting away from you completely, or making it feel so low that you don’t want to do anything but curl up into a ball and lay there until the day is over. Devil makes you feel angry at everything, makes you feel like destroying everything, makes you feel like nothing is of value and that life is worthless, makes you want to die. The key, my friends, is friends. Ones that believe in what you believe in. Ones that have your back no matter what is going on in the world. Ones that love you so much, they always want to know if you’re okay. The key is family too, but family can be harsh. I think its because of the the worlds negative experiences. 

But still chilling waiting on my ride. Get this twenty and get on with Friday to pick up that forty two. I got a big surprise last Friday, like seventy four, an extra thirty. Got food, filled up the tank and got blazed. Cant say I did all that bad. A job is in DIRE need of still tho. My phone bill is due next week, but I think she gets paid next week so. And thats another thing

I pull my weight around here by keeping the house running (thats a skill dammit!) cutting her kids hair, cleaning up after myself (Which is supposed to be an automatic but in this generation.. pfft) put dough up when need be but honestly I feel defeated. Im used to having my own cash, my own dough, Im used to being Player One. But for some odd stinkin reason its IMPOSSIBLE for me to find a job. Or when an opportunity comes, its like all the craziest possible shit that can ruin that opportunity happens and well, I go into a slump of “Im tired of looking for work” or the famous “I didnt want to be a slave anyway” and then even “More time to to focus on getting UFO off the ground” knowing damn well it takes money to make money. Smh. But I work to build it up and well, Im about ready for another opportunity. So Im putting in apps, letting agencies know Im up and running again. Lets see what happens with that. 

Ride will be ready at two. Its One twenty nine now. Guess I’ll sneak in a game of 2K before I leave.

Ight folks, stay open but stay safe.

PEACE