3-1 (fully aware that 2-9 got skipped)

I start Dollar General on Friday. Hip hip, hoofrgginray. Hours pay rate and duties have yet to be discussed. Whats most important is that, I am back amongst the land of the employed. 

Till then I’ll be getting documents, playing NFL Blitz and watching random Family Feud and TV shits. Its so drab. I know how long its going to take to get my patience back with spitting, but I grow tired. Everytime I listen back at my freestyles they sound so average. Man Im pissed about that. No specials, no doubles, just basic average rap music. Peh. Need meditation. Need mind widening. Ahh the beats I spit on seem drab too tho. So slow and monotone.. same tempo.. same trap beats you hear err day on the radio. Ugh. Time to make my own beats and release some fire out here. 

Lately tho its been pretty slow motion. Pal came up from Indy (hey Ali!) and brought a couch as well as a few other furniture pieces that was needed in the house. Hotels throw shit out when they replace their old shit with new shit. I most certainly won’t refuse barely used furniture when the stuff I use looks like two mutants play fuck ball on it daily. Anyways getting the stuff in wasn’t bad. I Wanted the couch for the basement but it wouldn’t fit down through the doorway so it stayed up stairs. Beds shouldn’t be a problem getting up the stairs. Tossing the old mattresses off the back balcony and dragging them up to the tree lawn for trash day. Eh

Yeah so we kicked it got some “Not Your Fathers Root Beer” which tasted like rabbit piss at the time but I took a few home and well.. Fer some odd reason they tasted pretty great. On ice in a glass was even better. We also got some Angry Orchid and some other stuff. I like conversations with Ali because she’s not biased. She listens and will always be as honest as possible, even if it stings. I like that. Rare trait not found anymore. 

I don’t know Ive been really bored. I need to hang with the good friends I have. I avoid them and shit. Its not personal its just.. some kind of lazy fog in my bones making me sleep late and slump around the house eating shit. In sweats. Im bored of many of the games I play on console. Lately its been PSP classics and iso’s like NBA Showtime, GTA Liberty City Stories and Vice City Stories not to mention running jumping and spinning my way through the first Crash Bandicoot. I have many more iso’s to play and load but I need more memory. I had a nice adapter that could switch out micro SD’s but I don’t know where it went. Lost a 32 gig micro SD earlier this year full of saves and games, and just lost a 32 gig flash last month full of music videos and other stuff. *sighs*

Waiting on dinner to finish. Wraps with chicken bacon ranch and all the rest of the works. Watching Family Matters. About to check out this latest Machine Gun Kelly album. 

Welp Im out. Beware of the unknown.

PEACE

2-8

So far there in my experience two different kinds of people in the world. Them and Us.

Experiences in this world are far beyond what we can be ready for if we are not open to the matters that happen within them. I had no idea; I thought I was free to leave this murky place of freedom as soon as I was ready. I was wrong. This is a place of creepy actions that happen in the darkest crevasses of your mind, and never really come to you in reality. A place where you cannot question what you hear feel or see. A place where the nastiest is the greatest and richest, and where the dirtiest is the most living. 

What I find amazing is the functionality of those who are this. They live just as anyone else. They work, shop and pay bills just like any other person would. I mean, if you’re a smart enough and have been around enough people you can tell something’s a little off, but you wouldn’t think anything of it. These are the stories I was warned about as a child. The evilest people my mother used to warn me about, that kept me in line with school and my own life. The best decorations of illusion are draped for distraction purposes. Money is thrown away like empty Chinese food boxes. Its burned like logs at a bon fire. Conversations are short and meaningless. They are split into simple pieces of vocabulary that are compared to the simplest of things. The actions of these people have no repercussion consequence or reasoning behind them. They live as if they are the only ones living, not stopping to see who or what is around them. 

I hadn’t realized that the connection to the human soul had lost so much value to the point where its completely gone. The body is but a husk and crying is the only way to return its feeling. What do you do to cry? Well, they’ll do anything. Anything. Deliberate thoughts of reaching beyond the norm you’d think would help this process for them, unfortunately the messages fall on deaf ears every time. They’ve already moved on the next thing in their minds, so they don’t stop to think about the words spoken. They move with intelligent malice towards everything around them, so what they can’t overtake or destroy usually scurries away.

I was one of them, and didn’t even know it. I was a walking talking black hole. I had forgotten I even had a face. A brain. Even a mind. I was a zombie, consuming everything in the name of boredom. I still today have to remind myself of who I am and what my life is worth. I hadn’t seen myself fall so far away.. I had already fallen before I got here.. And being around others who were (in my opinion) further away from reality than I was had to be a wake up call of a certain sort. Taking care of ones self, connection to God and care for people were all things that had vanished. I worked hard to get this back.. The strong spirit that makes me feel and think again. And am still working on learning the language behind such a beautiful thing. Its hard to describe really.. I can describe it as waking up for the first time.. and realizing a truer potential than one could have ever imagined. Its like a superpower that has to be nurtured and controlled; it can hurt you if you aren’t careful. Most importantly, people are aware of this power of yours. They respect you instantaneously upon arrival without you saying one word. Its a feeling of light, of illumination, of free being. Its amazing. 

I have a new take on life after experiencing that, then coming back here and experiencing this. I was almost close to saying I was crazy and that they were right; there is nothing else left in this world to work for, to strive for that there are no more dreams and that its so much more fun to destroy it all, fuck it all, damage it all and just say to hell with it cause at the end of the day we all die and get dumped into the same casket. That is but a myth. Meaning its not true at all. Dreams are real. They are worth working for. They’re worth the effort because of the feeling of being more than just another dot on the radar. You feel a sense of self worth that changes everything around you. You strike meaning into everything around you. You become what you are instead of what you were thought to be. You grow into a being, instead of being what you look like. I hope these words can somewhat cover this feeling. I also hope Im not scaring my readers away.

There are so many important things to discover, beyond what we think we see what we think we know and what we think we can accomplish. The key (in my opinion) is to stay open to what you normally would reject. Not to say try crack; but understand there is more to life than what we have been subjected to. We get so used to the same routine continuously that we forget about exploring. Adventuring is awesome too, but what I meant by exploring was to, explore the people we are inside. As mentioned our lives are so linear we don’t need do really do anything but follow a code of conduct until we die, which cuts off any chance of learning anything new about yourself or anyone else. And as backwards as it is, when someone tries that exploration with another person, they usually become uncomfortable because they aren’t used to trying anything out of what they’ve been doing for the last billion or so years. Communication is a big, big gateway that is misused abused and downplayed every single day. Words are more than words, they are masses of energy that can be thought about structured and described on hundreds of different levels. Patience with such an art can result in wondrous joys of understanding and growth. While the opposite effect, just as good communication is great, can be as deathly and more destructive than ever expected. So its important to watch closely at how we utilize communication. Is it being used to build up or tear down. 

Ill keep it here for right now. Demon’s Souls is pissin me off, interview at Target went pretty well and an interview at CVS is coming sooner than later. Dinner, some kind of chill show and snoozville it’ll be for me. 

Welp. Tune in next time. Don’t wear only a hoodie when its cold out. The weather will laugh at you.

PEACE

2-7

No matter how old you get there is always a new thing to learn. What new thing? Life is full of little details that many would say are impossible to capture all of them. From nature to readings, to people and their lives alone, the level of comprehension is almost infinite because their are so many ways to see everything. We have chosen, in my opinion only but one or two levels of this comprehension. The double entendre being the most obvious, and the spiritual realm being in second. 

The double entendre is relatable. Its the ease of understanding what someone is trying to say, without actually saying it. I’ve always sort of had an issue with the double entendre because, well Im a straight forward kind of guy. Why beat around the bush? Play with the pickle? I know what I feel when I feel it and how to say it. Where’s the fun in that? Is what a lot of people would say next. Which is true to a certain extent in keeping life interesting, so I’ve studied the art of the double entendre and how its used amongst many different kinds of people. In most cases the double entendre is used in comparison to God or the Devil, good or evil, bad or graceful. These are the most obvious comparisons. These are the balance that create life as we know it so we use these simple comparisons as through ways or passage ways as tools that get others to understand how we feel, what we mean or what we need. But it goes further that just that. Many doubles (I’ll be referring to the double entendre as “doubles”  from here on out) can be matched with other meanings if one is capable of reading into what ones words may represent.  

The spiritual realm is what we feel from one another in another form, its what effects the conversation itself in what you speak of. Much more tricky that the double in my opinion because it involves knowledge of another plane while still being fully focused in the physical. This can also be dangerous. We all carry different spiritual guides, different essences and energies that may or may not be compatible with one or the other. The utmost best method of achieving access into one’s (or your own) spiritual realm, in my opinion, is prayer. What God knows you need, he gives, what he sees in you that you can’t, he reveals, but these things happen when he knows that you are humble and ready to accept what he has for you. God opens up your mind, expands your thoughts so that you can see more than just what you are saying, you now see the effect your words emotions and feelings have on the world itself and not so much just the person or people you are communicating with. This is a big responsibility because just as good can be unveiled onto the world, so can bad, terrible things be unleashed so its important to know your own worth as well as your importance to the world before diving into your own, or even someone else’s spiritual realm. 

Three interviews last week. CVS which went pretty good. Felt like something was a missing, that positive energy flow was absent but I found it midway through the interview. He liked me, but not enough to hire me on the spot. Which is okay. He told me to call him back if he hadn’t called me first. Went downtown and filled out more apps that day, one of them being Carhartt at Crocker Park. The next interview was a morning one at Dollar General with two extremely sexy girls. The first one I had a small conversation with as soon as I opened up the door. She was at the register, telling me basically some of the duties that would have to be done. A customer came, bought some Garcia vegas and left. Thats when the second girl appeared. She walks around me, pushed a shopping cart into the rest of the carts next to me and walked down to a door. She opens it, sits a chair in front of it to stop it from closing and says “Okay George, you can come now”. The interview was fairly short and sweet. Once again though, it felt like I was missing something. I had the positivity flowing, but I just didn’t feel myself coming to life with my answers.. Don’t know. Perhaps I was sleepy. Anyways after a brief pause the nice lady says it looks like I have what it takes for the job but they only are giving a few days on the schedule. Told me to look out for an email and thanked me for my time. Once again, not on the spot but I felt pretty good about it. She smiled practically throughout the entire interview. Went and got some shrimp teriyaki (Im hungry) Downtown and the rest of the day downloading videos and finding out the BJ’s Kohls and other places weren’t hiring at all. The next day, Home Depot interview, which went the most interesting out of the three because, number one, I had brought the two things I’d learnt from the other two stores with me and, two, they had me sit in a chair behind the customer service desk and wait for a friggin half an hour. Did I mind? No. Not really. What else was there to do that day anyway. Besides donate. 

So a lady gives me directions to the back of the store where the office is. I follow them, swimming around store isles trying my best to smirk at other employees. My smile has been shut down for a few years now. I mean I laugh sure, but my natural smile, like when Im talking to someone.. Its stone. Brick. It doesn’t budge. Im working on it. Anyways in the office now Im asked to sit at a table and wait again. Somebody said something about some candy, I chimed in and said something witty, got a laugh out of the few people in there. A lady right across from me in an office asked this other guy to do the interview. Im thinking like, why can’t you do it? So Scott called me into his office, and well it commenced. Questions about Staples, what I did there. Scenario questions about how I’d handle irate or multiple customers, yadda yadda bing boom for the most part he liked me. Said there was a few more mangers that had to over look the paper work. But, and I got this form all three interviewers, its not like these people don’t like me.. its more like they are looking for something from me, like Im missing a piece of something thats completing the puzzle.

Anyhow, doing call backs next week on Thursday, fingers crossed. Right now Im kinda of hungry and kinda sad because I was suppose to call my Grandma and help clean her attic. I better get on that. 

Too much sugar can cause lock jaw.

PEACE