Well. Things are.. what they are.
Therapy coming up. Medicine appointment coming up which I am not looking forward to since I dont believe I need any medicine. I need to fast for a few weeks (maybe a month) change my diet around for the most part axe out alot of soda and salt.
What I am most interested in is the relationship I have with myself and others. At work (warehouse in solon) things are up and down. Where I live (with my mother and her husband) things are strange. One minute things are alright and the next Im Thanos from the Avengers. Im just trying to figure out where I belong in all of this.
I am finding my own ways to deal with the ghost of my past relationship. She (and her entire family) still haunt me even now as I type this blog. They turn everyone I meet into enemies. My mood is always bleek which is how it used to be with them. I am getting better at facing my own problems with this because no one can help me. So yeah its coming along. I remember dealing with something like this almost ten years ago with the ghost of a woman. Haunted me for a few years. Im making progress with this is all I can say.
Im getting worried about where I am going to stay. I have a job but its through a temp agency. Im a little scared to talk to them about being there permanently because A) the work is the longest way from what I do (its not my profession) and B) its physically crazy everyday and Im not built for that kind of job. Right now though I need anything that comes seeing as how I have a felony on my record, and this co-vid is wrecking everything as far as business is going. I tried an old friend and they have a full house. Im dreading it, but I might try my father. Only because the been there done than speech is just so dead when you get so old. But its about to get cold, and Ill be willing to listen to a thousand speeches to stay warm and safe around someone familiar. The fire side of me still want to tough it out at the shelter.. save and start from the ground up so that I can say I did it on my own.. no one can throw it up in my face how they "fake" helped me.. half way helped me.. acted funny all while providing an assistance.. its like when do we grow up. But I get it. When you already have what you want you can pretty much do whatever.
So yeah. I did take advantage of being here with my mom and her dude. They told me not to really worry about paying them any money, so I got a laptop, a few games and that leaves room for my phone bill food and bus passes while saving everything else. Probably going to get a coat and some Timberland boots next week before the weather gets crazy.
Well, I went back reading old messages on Communities and boy was it something else. We had so much fun in those days. Just the girls I dated, friends I had and people I used to deal with. It wasnt the best but we always made the most out of everything. We could think healthier.. or something back then. I dont know what happened.
Well, thats it. New horizons coming up. Getting ready for them is where I am.
Face shields are ridiculous. The mask is enough.
PEACE
